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Personal Journal Entry: Purified and Possible

Sharing a journal entry from 2013:

Thursday, May 23, 2013 - Purified and Possible

Thank you, Lord, for another day to test my faith in you, and teach me the ways that are deeper than the surface-dwelling life.

As I was waking this morning -- the thought of another day to do boring, mundane and empty things, not working towards things of meaningful value – started to cave in on me. So I asked you for your perspective which caused me to consider the scripture I’ve been meditating on:

“We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.” 1 John 2:3-6

I considered Jesus life: He came to do the will of his Father, not his own will. He even asked if the Father would take away the suffering of the cross that was before him, but The Father did not. And Christ was able to say, “not my will but thine be done.”

I might have deep, innate desires and longings in my heart that were meant to be fulfilled but that’s looking out from the place of what my life would be like if the fall never happened. But the fall did happen. And God chooses to allow His perfect, preferred will and plans to become subject to the struggle, pain and suffering brought on by evil, brokenness and sin within the confines of this fallen world. Yet it’s that utopia -- that perfect world -- I was created for and long for while I live inside this skin which walks around in this fallen world, broken and full of pain, loss, denial, hardship, and suffering.

As I continue my journey towards becoming more Christ-like, submitting and surrendering to the will of The Father, I believe my life goals are not to have my dreams come true. I must surrender them and ask that God’s dreams for my life come true; whatever that is. Sometimes my dreams and God’s dreams are one in the same. Other times, they are not. So am I willing to die to the dreams I have for my life if they deviate from God’s dreams for my life? Can I, like Christ, say, "Not my will but thine be done"?

Today Lord, I lay down my dreams before you,
upon your fiery alter so they can become purified --
in motive, in desire and in action --
until they are transformed
into a fragrant offering before you.

And from their death of surrender,
may your life-breath blow through them
causing your resurrection life to form inside me --
inside these dreams
you planted in me before time began.

And from this beautiful purging
may my dreams emerge reborn --
purified and possible.


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